You know what, yes it IS annoying how you sleep in until 8am every. Single. Day. While I wake up whenever the kids do. Unless it is my birthday or Mother’s Day, although those days I am not not even garunteed a sleep on, or so I have learned.
It IS annoying how I get up to the kids all night long while you sleep. How do you not even hear your son cry or your daughter whine? How is it that I can change three nappies in one night plus settle toddlers while you awake and say “oh, were they up last night?”
Why is it that when you day we’re going to have a ‘party’ of a night, I am sat on the couch at 10pm waiting for you, even though you have fallen asleep? I am hoping you will wake up and we can spend time together.
Or should I just drink on my own again?
I do all the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, the child rearing. Yes, today I asked you to clean the bathroom and you did it but we live in a two story home and you only cleaned one bathroom once. I am a full time mum, full time student, part time community worker – I am not a housewife. I cannot do everything you expect me to do.
The times you can play games on your phone, or watch cartoons with the kids, I envy that. I want that. How in this time of gender non specifics, do you Still Expect me to be the maid? The slave? The nutuerer? The scholar? The income generator? Those roles are opposing and yet I am all of them.
You help and then expect me to pat you on the balls for a job well done?
I cannot imagine literally sitting next to a pile of unfolded washing and saying, “I would do more if you just told me what I needed to do” or sleeping in EVERY DAY and complaining when you needed to get up at 8am because your wife has the flu.
This isn’t fair.
Now here I am typing a bunch of bulkshit on an iPad to myself while you lie in bed, tired. Because you ‘helped’ your wife by cleaning YOUR bathroom this morning after sleeping in and waking up to cooked eggs and a coffee (like every morning). Then went and helped your friend while I had ANOTHER day with the kids screaming, yelling, fighting, crying. Tomorrow you are off to your friends again. Tomorrow I have ANOTHER day of not being the parent I want to be because all I worry about is the house, the washing, the dinner, the kids crying and fighting non stop. Then it will be Monday and my week starts again.
You get to have a beer with your work mate. But you fall asleep instead of having a beer with your wife.
Here I am. This is now. My life is right now.
You are like every other man Inhave ever been with in the fact that you are aggressive defensive. When I try to communicate, it is shut down and it turned on me then ampliphied times one million. To the point where when you raise your voice at me, I am nodding, but my thoughts are saying “I am nodding to keep the peace. I wish this was being filmed and someone could mediate for us.”
You are all talk and the actions don’t align, your reality does not match the action but you think it does?
I am surrounded by family all day the I get a night like this, when I thought we would hang out, and we are not. And I feel so lonely.